Backstage at the Miss Beaver Creek Pagent

I feel compelled to set the record straight about the events of April 30th, 2005 - the night of the Miss Beaver Creek Gray Water Trailer Park Princess Pagent. So much rumor has surrounded the night that I feel I must come clean. First off, I was not, as many mistakenly believe, disqualified from the pagent. I was simply retroactively striped of all my remaining Princess Points for what has been termed "unladylike conduct". I honestly hadn't expected to end the night with any Princess Points in my bank anyway, so I'm frankly not surprised.

That night I had enlisted a cute boy to assist with holding back the curtain to the green room. During the course of the event, we struck up a conversation where he claimed he was asexual. Well, Pinkie took this as a personal challenge! I invited him to explore my neather regions in the back room. He accepted my offer, and we headed behind the counter in the back of the room.

Moments later he was on his back under my evening gown working his way through my many layers.

It was at that moment that Daphne Jenkins entered the room. Seeing the unusual look on my face, she came directly over to me probably thinking that I had become stuck in my heels again. She's such a helpful bitch. Upon seeing the boy's legs sticking out from my dress, she screamed which immediately tiped off Momma who was fixing her hair nearby. Momma realized right away what was going on and told me to get the boy out of there, which of course I did.

After the pagent had ended, and I had received my 2nd Runner Up trophy, Miss Alexandria was told of the indiscretion. I was immediately charged with Attempted Blowjob, which might not have required an adjustment to the final score. However, she saw fit to tack on the lesser included charge of Intent to Distribute Blowjob which spelled my demise.

With the loss of all my Princess Points, I was moved into the 3rd Runner Up position, less formally known as Last Place. So now you know the whole truth. No blowjob had occured and I was not disqualified. Thinking back, I should have simply coughed when Daphne saw me, and that boy would have disappeared up my love canal never to be found. I'm certain I could have slipped out the back door to expel him into the yard and none of you bitches would be the wiser. Kisses.