It wasn't me!

It has recently come to my attention that my dear dear sister Daphne Jenkins has pointed her abnormally long ring adorned finger in the direction of yours truely as the mastermind in the recent incapacitation of our other sister, Miss Linda Hand Jenkins. Needless to say, I am both shocked and saddened by this turn of events. I had always believe that Daphne was a level headed thinking individual. But oh, when she drinks can she get mean, and apparnetly this recent mud slinging is a perfect example.

"Lay off the booze Daph" I might say at her intervention.

To think that Pinkie would hide such dastardly deads is just plain silly. Where would the credit be in that? But in this case, I must defend myself. Besides, if I were going to start picking off the other contestents in the Miss Beaver Creek pagent, don't you all agree I would have started with Daphne?

However, I do think it might be wise for us all to make sure we stay pressed up against our well dressed escorts these days (get your mind out of the gutter, Pinkie doensn't pay for it!). Considering this: Visa passes away, Linda's back goes out, Bambie does a face plant, and Daphne looses her looks! Someone, or maybe something, is out to get us girls, and for once, I'm not sitting down for it.

Well, actually, I am sitting down right now, but that's just because I'm eating as I write this.

Stop looking at me that way, I'm just big boned -- a girls gotta stay well nourished. So, I just want all my faithful readers to keep their eyes out (use a sharpie), and be aware of your surroundings. What with some of our biggest girls away for the summer (Candy!), we need to stick together.

This has been a Pinkie exclusive report. Pinkie out. Kisses.

Pinkie and Child

Pinkie has a devastating story to tell today. She is sad beyond the depths of sadness, and unable to be consoled. I have a secret that I need to tell you now, my faithful readers.

Until last night, I was with child.

You see, I was at my Momma's house (GrandMomma? I think not) for a party of epic proportions. On the advise of physicians, I had tried to not be too active, or drink or drug soo much, but eventually the festive atmosphere took over. I was indulging in the debauchery when, during a particularly violent back-flip half-twist dive, the fruit of my loins was launched from my love canal -- ripped from it's protective womb by the shear force of the flipping.

Where it landed, only time will tell.

Oh, it was an early pregnancy I know, but yet still valid and true. I had become with child almost 2 hours earlier at the brutish hands of Marsha's brother Stephen. (I suppose it could have been the trucker on the way over to the party, but no, I'm sure it was him) He'll deny it, of course, but those are the facts. Would Pinkie ever lie to you?

I know it's better this way, what with all the drugs and booze, my life is certainly no place for a child. Yet still, I can't help but wonder what a mini-Pinkie might have been like. Going through life together, bitching at the bartender together. "Get me another bottle, wench, or I'm fillin my diaper" mini-Pinkie might say. Brings a tear to my eye. But alas, that dream will have to wait now, at least until next weekend. Kisses.

Beauty Tips

• When selecting foundation, medium is not always medium
• Glam Shine by L'Oreal Paris is a must
• Always wear a bathrobe when applying power
• Don't drive in heels
• Always bring a purse
• Use hairspray on your face once your makeup's on
• Sharpie's work well to define eyebrows
• White eyeshadow works best only in the evening