Pinkie: A Certified Beauty!

Well, it's official. I now have proof that I'm a goddess. All you bitches who called me fat and ugly can just eat it!

This morning I surfed on over to MyHeritage.com and checked out their Face Recognition tool. After putting in my photo, I was matched with similar looking celebrities. Turns out I match quite a few beauties. Here's the results:

Martina Hingis - 61%


Sally Field - 57%


Gina Lollabrigida - 54%


Elisha Cuthbert - 53%


Julia Roberts - 53%


So all my adoring fans can continue to obsess over me with the confidence in knowing they're crushing on a someone beautiful.

Kisses,
Pinkie

Slipping back into my manic phase....

After an extended depressive phase, I'm finally beginning to slip back into my old manic self.

Actually, I've been so busy in the last few months I just haven't had a moment to spare for updating the site. But with all the begging recently, I thought I'd write a little something to shut you all up.

I love my faithful readers. Really I do. But I'm gonna try to make this quick. Haven't got all night ya know. So, here's the highlights . . .

• Performed with my sister Daphne at the Miss Corn Cobb Pageant at Le Buzz. The pic on this post is of Marsh, me, and Daph that night before the show. Aparently the judges were blind since despite a tremendous effort, poor Daph didn't come away with the title. Like she'd want to be truckin all the way the hell out there to that dump 4 more times this year anyway. But she's not bitter, that's what sisters are for. (just kidding Le Buzz, love ya and hope to perform on your stage again) The highlight of the evening was when Yolanda said to the winner: "Remember what happened last time someone beat Daph at a pageant..."
  

• Been hosting a semi-irregular podcast with my drag mother Yolanda Jenkins called Drag-O-Drama. It's been a hell of a lot of work, but I think we're getting better at it. You can subscribe through iTunes or any other podcatcher you use.

• Speaking of podcasts, the queens at My Favorite Drag Queen have selected yours truely to grace the center square of their Album Art. Check out the pic and subscribe to their show. I'm so flattered I'll have to remember not to say anything bad about them again. Somebody make a note for me, will ya?
  

• Tried my hand at doing a digital make over for Miss Alexandria Martin using Photoshop to update her publicity photo. Girls, if you could have see the mess of a photo that I was given to work with, you'd be amazed. Here's my caption of the original picture: "I'm a big hairy beast who just pulled away from Krispy Kreme and now there's glistening glazed doughnut bits all over my blouse and I'm using a photographer who doesn't know jack about shadows". Seriously. It would have taken less time to go ahead and do the plastic surgery. Don't believe me? She made me promise not to publish the original, but if you ask nicely I'll share it on the DL. I'm just teasing Alexandria, you actually did all the important things right. You wore a dark outfit, pretty jewels, and it doesn't hurt that you're amazing with makeup. Anywho, here's the final result in all it's glory. Any other girls out there that need some re-touching, let me know.
  Update: Sorry Candy, I'm a drag queen not a miracle worker.
  

• Pinkie gets Frappr. Go add yourself to Pinkie's Frappr Map. I really do care what hick town your from. Really.
  

• Lastly, I've settled on an important decision: I'm tired of being the only bitch without a title! Last year I competed in the Miss Camp Drag pageant. This year I plan to rule it! Stay tuned.....

God dammit, this post took all night to write. There's usually only one thing Pinkie does for an entire night, and it ain't sleepin Yup, you guessed it, head on down to the nearest Chick-fil-A Dwarf House and pull a chair up to the buffet. Ah, now that's heaven. A fast food reastaurant with table service. Now that's Pinkie's idea of good service. Mmmmmm....

Burn in Hell

Peeps keep askin me why I'm not writing in my blog. It's because I'm hatefull! Ya'll can just burn in hell! You want me to write something? Beg for it.

Kisses,
Pinkie

The New Drag Idol 2005 is . . .

It's official, a new Drag Idol 2005 has been crowned. So sit back and relax while I tell the story of this amazing night.

First, you have to know that it was an utter mad house at Charlie Brown's Caberet tonight. By 9:45 the place was at capacity and with still over a hundred people in line at the door. The crowd was crazy and ready for a night to remember.

Miss Charlie Brown Opens The Show

Promptly at 10, Miss Charlie Brown opened the show herself with a powerful number. She was decked from head to toe in a silver sequined outfit. Pinkie's not so good with song titles, so you'll have to forgive her in that regard. As I watched this opening number, however, I began to understand what a special night this was going to be. After the song, Charlie explained that she's been sewed over 5000 sequines on the dress herself over the past 3 weeks. She then thanked the audiance for "Kick starting drag again in Atlanta".

Prizes

The prizes for tonight's event? $3,150 in cash to be divided among the contestants. $1,600 to the winner, $750 for the 1st runner-up, $500 to 2nd runner-up, and $300 to 3rd runner-up. The new Drag Idol 2005 winner would also receive $3,700 in gift certificates.

Celebrity Host: The Lady Chablis

Our host for the evening was the ever bitchy Lady Chablis. I'm not being slanderous here, she explained the hearing crowds yell Hey Bitch made her pussy clench up. Her opening number was fabulous as she appeared with a dress made entirely of Crown Royal liquer bottle covers. You know, the purple and gold ones. She even had a few mini-bottles to hand around the crowd during her performance. Of course the crowd went wild for her and throw fist-fulls of bills at her.

A Very Special Moment

After her performance, The Lady Chablis trolled the audience and happened upon a woman who said she was from Biloxi, MS. Upon hearing where she was from, the very generous Lady Chablis handed her ever one of the bills she'd received as tips and told her to go out tomorrow and do something nice for herself, proving once again that drag queens really do have the biggest hearts.

Contestant Opening Numbers

With the show now officially underway, we moved on to the performances from our final four contestants. First up was Jade Daniels who performed medley of songs all having a "Tonight" theme which really enforced the feeling that it was a special evening indeed. When the curtain opened, Jade was revealed in a stunning cape and hood, which had a distinctivly gothic feeling. As the music ramped up, Jade stepped out of the now frozen cape and hood to reveal she was wearing a tiny purple strapped number with a phoenix fan feather shawl. The cape and hood was apparently attached to a stand. The effect was very dramatic.

Next up was Alexandria Martin who came to the stage wrapped in a floor length American flag gown as she began to sing the national anthem. At the cresendo of the anthem, the song switched to Wonder Woman as she ripped off the gown to reveal a Wonder Woman outfit complete with lasso, braclets, and .... wait for it.... wait for it. . .Roller Skates! Yes, she actually performed spins and skated her way back and forth across the stage all the while managing to avoid tripping on the multitude of bills that had piled up onstage. The song then morphed into Holding Out For a Hero. During a short interlude in the song, Alexandria pulled a hero sandwich from her breast and proceeded to make quick work of the hero she had apparently been holding out for!

Next up was the entertaining Angelica Diamante. On an average night, Angelica's performance would have been top notch, but the competition tonight was just a bit beyond her.

Finally, last up was Gigi Monroe with a repeat performance of her smash Beauty and the Beast performance. It's an increadible effort to be a single character on stage, but to play two is just jaw dropping.

Second Round of Performances

Jade's second showing was interesting choice. The stage was set with a wedding invitation first and then with a preist and groom. Jade then entered to a wedding march. A heartfelt "inner-thoughts" song ensued until finally she was adorned with a wedding ring and the ceremony was complete. The highlight was when she tossed her bouquet to the crowd. An extremely long intro to the performance however made it drag a bit too much

Alexandria then graced the stage in a wild Ursula outfit and later transformed into an Ariel outfit. She was tipped from the crowd like mad for her performance, after which The Lady Chablis was quoted as saying "One of the biggest acts to hit the stage!"

The final performance of the evening was from Gigi. This girl clearly knows how to plan a show down to the last detail. A gigantic spider web aparatus appeared when the curtain opened, and Gigi spun around and emerged from the center of the web wearing a shockingly tight bodysuite outfit adorned with what appeared to be hundreds of centimeter sized mirrors. Backstage sources revealed to Pinkie that getting Gigi into the outfit without cutting her up on the mirrors was nearly impossible. I suppose all great art comes at a price, but Pinkie's just glad it didn't draw blood. As she covered Fiona Apple's song Criminal, a boy emerged from the web. Completely bound and covered in a white plastic bag, Gigi proceeded to continue the entombing of her pray, even including spraying him with spray string.

The Ballots Were Counted

After a good bit of ballot counting, Charlie Brown called the contestants to the stage for the reveal of the audience's votes. First to be announced was 3rd runner-up which was awarded to Angelica. Next, the 2nd runner-up prize was awarded to Alexandria Martin.

As Jade and Gigi held hands at center stage, the 1st runner-up was announced for Jade, leaving Gigi Monroe as our new Drag Idol 2005. Gigi couldn't contain her shock and pleasure as she was handed a bouquet of flowers and her title was announced. As it turned out, the margin between all four contestants had been just 24 votes.

I'd also like to mention some of the unseen helpers for the lovely contestants. Each one of them couldn't have done it alone. They had assistance from many friends who help design their shows and outfits, as well as ensure they made it to the shows on time. After the show, Momma Dale was quoted as saying "I am proud of Alexandria and Gigi for being smart enough to ask others for help. Momma will always be there for a sweet drag queen in need...I love them both." I'm know the others all had helpers who made their performances possible, and that's probably what made these performances so amazing.

Also, I have hundreds of pictures that I need to sift through and will be posting in the next day or two. But it's 4:15 in the morning now, and I just can't do that right now, so check back soon for them.

Sweet dreams! Kisses (for now).

Drag Idol Preview

Oh, I'm sure I'm up to this kind of pressure. My lovely sister Daphne Ruth Jenkins has asked me to step into her leather boots for a day and write a review of tonight's Drag Idol finale. She's promised to beat me senseless if I don't do a good job, and she's not the kind of girl to make idol threats!

I'll try my very best to stay sober long enough to make some notes during the show. And if we're all lucky I won't fall down before the winner is announced. So come back and visit on Friday and I'll have all the dirt for you then. Kisses.

Alien Abduction!

Oh, thank goodness. I'm back, I'm really back! I've just lived through the most traumatic experience of my entire life, and I'm back on my blog to tell you all about it. And my vagina will never be the same. I better start from the beginning.

I was driving home early one morning several weeks ago on my way home from Drag Idol when the most amazing thing happened. There I was in my Buick, munching on a dozen pack of doughnuts freshly purchased from the corner Krispy Kreme, when suddenly a bright light descended upon me from above.

Before I could even wipe the chocolate from my perfectly lined and glossed lips...

the car lifted off the ground and was enveloped by some mysterious hovering vehicle.

I have only faint memories from the following hours, days, and weeks, so please forgive Miss Pinkie if she's sketchy with the details. My next memory is of waking up in a long cylindrical tube filled with a thick gelatinous liquid. Somehow I could still breath, or maybe I just thought I was breathing. The moment didn't last long.

Pinkie was unceremoniously flushed from the tube!

I found myself naked and coughing on a steel floor. Surrounding me were several gigantic naked muscle gods. Clearly sex-starved aliens had abducted me, and were about to have their way with yours truly. At that point I blacked out again.

The next thing I recall is waking in an all white room. I was wearing a beautiful white gown and was reclining on a white plush fainting couch. A nearly ear-splitting voice boomed from somewhere overhead. The voice simply said "REJECTED!" The room and the voice immediately faded, and I awoke at home in my own bed.

Slipping from my silk sheets, I fell to the floor. Stumbling out of bed is a process I'm normally quite accustomed to. However this morning I was barely able to stand. I crawled to the vanity and hoisted myself to the chair. Luckily I keep my power on the vanity, and so I grabbed the straw, stuck it into the power and dipped my nose down. In moments I was able to stand again.

When I looked in the mirror, I was horrified at what I saw. Pinkie's stretch marks had grown to enormous proportions!

I'm just not sure what to make of my ordeal, but it appears to be over. I can only surmise that some band of alien men had selected me to act as their new Eve.

Looking at my calendar, I could see that several weeks had passed. I'm so sorry to have left my faithful readers for so long, but as you can see, I've apparently been busing seeding the universe. I'm terribly hungry now, so I must go. Creating a hybrid Pinkie-alien race has worn this girl out!

Kisses.

It wasn't me!

It has recently come to my attention that my dear dear sister Daphne Jenkins has pointed her abnormally long ring adorned finger in the direction of yours truely as the mastermind in the recent incapacitation of our other sister, Miss Linda Hand Jenkins. Needless to say, I am both shocked and saddened by this turn of events. I had always believe that Daphne was a level headed thinking individual. But oh, when she drinks can she get mean, and apparnetly this recent mud slinging is a perfect example.

"Lay off the booze Daph" I might say at her intervention.

To think that Pinkie would hide such dastardly deads is just plain silly. Where would the credit be in that? But in this case, I must defend myself. Besides, if I were going to start picking off the other contestents in the Miss Beaver Creek pagent, don't you all agree I would have started with Daphne?

However, I do think it might be wise for us all to make sure we stay pressed up against our well dressed escorts these days (get your mind out of the gutter, Pinkie doensn't pay for it!). Considering this: Visa passes away, Linda's back goes out, Bambie does a face plant, and Daphne looses her looks! Someone, or maybe something, is out to get us girls, and for once, I'm not sitting down for it.

Well, actually, I am sitting down right now, but that's just because I'm eating as I write this.

Stop looking at me that way, I'm just big boned -- a girls gotta stay well nourished. So, I just want all my faithful readers to keep their eyes out (use a sharpie), and be aware of your surroundings. What with some of our biggest girls away for the summer (Candy!), we need to stick together.

This has been a Pinkie exclusive report. Pinkie out. Kisses.

Pinkie and Child

Pinkie has a devastating story to tell today. She is sad beyond the depths of sadness, and unable to be consoled. I have a secret that I need to tell you now, my faithful readers.

Until last night, I was with child.

You see, I was at my Momma's house (GrandMomma? I think not) for a party of epic proportions. On the advise of physicians, I had tried to not be too active, or drink or drug soo much, but eventually the festive atmosphere took over. I was indulging in the debauchery when, during a particularly violent back-flip half-twist dive, the fruit of my loins was launched from my love canal -- ripped from it's protective womb by the shear force of the flipping.

Where it landed, only time will tell.

Oh, it was an early pregnancy I know, but yet still valid and true. I had become with child almost 2 hours earlier at the brutish hands of Marsha's brother Stephen. (I suppose it could have been the trucker on the way over to the party, but no, I'm sure it was him) He'll deny it, of course, but those are the facts. Would Pinkie ever lie to you?

I know it's better this way, what with all the drugs and booze, my life is certainly no place for a child. Yet still, I can't help but wonder what a mini-Pinkie might have been like. Going through life together, bitching at the bartender together. "Get me another bottle, wench, or I'm fillin my diaper" mini-Pinkie might say. Brings a tear to my eye. But alas, that dream will have to wait now, at least until next weekend. Kisses.

Beauty Tips

• When selecting foundation, medium is not always medium
• Glam Shine by L'Oreal Paris is a must
• Always wear a bathrobe when applying power
• Don't drive in heels
• Always bring a purse
• Use hairspray on your face once your makeup's on
• Sharpie's work well to define eyebrows
• White eyeshadow works best only in the evening
  
  

Recovery and Complications

To all my adoring fans, your cards and flowers have been so appreciated during my difficult recovery. I'm home now and so I thought I'd take a moment to update you on my condition.

While it's true that my breasts have now been reduced, the surgery was not without complications. Due to an unfortunate slip of the knife, I have been left with only a single nipple.

Luckily the scar tissue feels very similar in the dark.

It also appears I won't ever be able to breast feed again. The boys backstage at future appearances will be so disappointed. I'm sure I'll find something for them to suckle. Not like I was ever going to work as a wetnurse or something.

The final complication was somewhat more serious, and may require a future surgery. Due to the time required to reduce my dearly departed monster knockers, the surgery spanned the lunch hour.

Having spread a picnic out above me for thier meal, the hospital staff carelessly mistook my gaping wound for the trash can.

I'll have to sue, of course, but I hope I don't need to take the witness stand. "I may have a trashy inside," I'll say "and I might look trashy on the outside, but I'm not all trash!"

Thank you again for the well wishes for a speedy recovery. Pinkie's breasts may be smaller now, but her heart is as big as ever! Kisses.

Pinkie Goes Under the Knife

It's not what you think! MAC makeup and not plastic surgery is my usual route to a beautiful me. How could you even think I'd let someone fool with my amazing bone structure. Never. No, unfortunately, the situation is much much more serious. Pinkie is in dire need of a Reduction Mammaplasty.

Oh, sure, it was fun when I was 9 years old and had a chest that Dolly Parton would envy. I fondly remember the surprised faces of all those young boys that dared venture up my blouse. Around my 14th birthday however, I began to realize the awesome power of my hooters when Timmy Wilson was suffocated. You see, I had been drinking heavily that morning and passed out on poor Timmy while he explored my mountainous front side. Since then I've had to be careful that my breasts didn't kill again. But that was just the beginning.

After years of popping pain pills to ease my worsening back problems, my doctor has insisted that I check in for a breast reduction. The whole notion just makes me sick.

What am I going to do if they take away my pain pills!

I've been assured it's perfectly safe and that the removal of 8 to 10 pounds per breast will still leave me with ample milk wagons. While today's Pinkie would never consider such horrors, the day may come when she has a litter to feed.

So thank you in advance for all the well wishes. I'll be sure to let you know how it goes. Kisses.

Backstage at the Miss Beaver Creek Pagent

I feel compelled to set the record straight about the events of April 30th, 2005 - the night of the Miss Beaver Creek Gray Water Trailer Park Princess Pagent. So much rumor has surrounded the night that I feel I must come clean. First off, I was not, as many mistakenly believe, disqualified from the pagent. I was simply retroactively striped of all my remaining Princess Points for what has been termed "unladylike conduct". I honestly hadn't expected to end the night with any Princess Points in my bank anyway, so I'm frankly not surprised.

That night I had enlisted a cute boy to assist with holding back the curtain to the green room. During the course of the event, we struck up a conversation where he claimed he was asexual. Well, Pinkie took this as a personal challenge! I invited him to explore my neather regions in the back room. He accepted my offer, and we headed behind the counter in the back of the room.

Moments later he was on his back under my evening gown working his way through my many layers.

It was at that moment that Daphne Jenkins entered the room. Seeing the unusual look on my face, she came directly over to me probably thinking that I had become stuck in my heels again. She's such a helpful bitch. Upon seeing the boy's legs sticking out from my dress, she screamed which immediately tiped off Momma who was fixing her hair nearby. Momma realized right away what was going on and told me to get the boy out of there, which of course I did.

After the pagent had ended, and I had received my 2nd Runner Up trophy, Miss Alexandria was told of the indiscretion. I was immediately charged with Attempted Blowjob, which might not have required an adjustment to the final score. However, she saw fit to tack on the lesser included charge of Intent to Distribute Blowjob which spelled my demise.

With the loss of all my Princess Points, I was moved into the 3rd Runner Up position, less formally known as Last Place. So now you know the whole truth. No blowjob had occured and I was not disqualified. Thinking back, I should have simply coughed when Daphne saw me, and that boy would have disappeared up my love canal never to be found. I'm certain I could have slipped out the back door to expel him into the yard and none of you bitches would be the wiser. Kisses.

Pinkie's First Post

Hello World! I said HEY bitches!

Can you hear my now? Good, well settle in for a story kiddies, cause Miss Pinkie is in the house, and does she have some dirt to get off her busty bosom. The masses have been demanding regular Pinkie updates, and so I've started this site to keep the paparazzi off my tail. Lord knows I don't wanna end up like Princess Di, and so to feed your vicious appetite for All Things Pinkie, I thought I'd just spill my guts here.

I'll try to write regularly, but with such a busy social life, I ain't makin no promises.

If you feel so inclined, write your own damn comments using the links below each post. I'm too busy squeezing into gowns to read them, but knock yourself out if you must. Kisses.